Artwork by Michael de la Guerra (Prints Available on Saatchi Art)
I Put the "Style" in Attachment Style
Everyone's an expert now;
On why they love the way they do;
Condemning the Anxious and/or Avoidant;
Like confetti at their own review.
Most are self-diagnosed, of course;
In lieu of reading “the book” some self-analyze by phone;
They find meaning in the predetermined patterns;
Reciting pop-psyche phraseology as their own.
Yes, there's truth in understanding;
How childhood shapes our ways;
But parroting platitudes as a crutch;
Doesn't make the trauma fade.
We're all just trying to sort ourselves;
Into boxes neat and clean;
As if humans could be catalogued;
Like posts in a Pinterest stream.
Call me a fearful-preoccupied-avoidant;
Or whatever helps you sleep;
But knowing what to call your walls;
Doesn't help you learn to leap.
So, hold your attachment style close;
Else the mind’s nuance be exposed;
And beyond what any label can connote;
Are worlds more than Bowlby even knows.
Contextual Commentary by the Poet
Look, this one's pretty simple. I was annoyed by the people who use their newfound identities within modern attachment theory to feign self-awareness while avoiding critical self-work. Just because you now know yourself to be an "anxious avoidant" doesn't make it okay for you to treat people badly. And not that all anxious avoidants do treat people badly. It's those who use pop psychology as a crutch to deflect criticism of their behavior. That's all.
Related Reading
If you appreciated this poem's skepticism toward trendy self-diagnosis, you might connect with:
• "J'adore Le Ver" – Similarly punctures inflated metaphors with practical reality, challenging our tendency to romanticize what's ultimately mundane.
• "It's Hard" – Offers a raw exploration of relationship difficulties that resists easy categorization or quick-fix psychology.
• "Tell For Me" – Examines how we selectively present ourselves to others, much like how people curate their psychological narratives through attachment labels.
How often do psychological frameworks become substitutes for deeper self-understanding? When does naming a pattern become an excuse for not changing it? These questions about the limitations of pop psychology appear throughout my more skeptical explorations of modern self-help culture.
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